Yesterday I attended the 'Annual H'town Rural Show' it was fun and interesting but sad as I drained my finances totally on 'Carnies' tarot card readers and silver jewelery so I have to figure out how to survive remaining week on ten dollars...

Anyway tarot card reading was so worth me being broke, as she was really kind and lovely and positive and said nice nice things about me, and she knew as soon as we started that 'I had suffered a loss' (remember my Dad died) and that I had no idea what to do with my life she also said that I would be in a short term but sweet and soft relationship soon, but the bitch didn't say who with...curse her, but she also pointed out to me that I have to get over something, something which I have hated admitting to but here you go.

I Have a fear of failure!

Ok that wasn't so hard, but I do nothing because I hate failing, so in order to be cured I have to go out there and fail... tempting option right? I'm going back into my cocoon of denial a.k.a. doona and flanellette pyjamas.

She also said I have to travel, she said that I'm the person that will die staying in the same spot, and I have to agree with her, I need to go on a trip that involves me getting onto a plane, stupid no money crap. BAH!

She also pointed out that I should be a writer, I told her that I try and I mentioned my dear diary, but she said I could do more and I told her I couldn't and she went hmmm.

She said alot of things all which i can't remember at the moment, but it was worth it, if only for just for being told the things I needed to hear.

I'm tired of my life, of that sounds pessimistic, not my life, I'm tired of life, it seems so stretched out, and pointless... eh it's probably the lack of pasta talking, man I would kill someone for a bowl of fettucine in a garlic butter sauce, heck right now I'd eat flour out of the bag.

'Evil' has been calling the last couple of nights just to talk and I have to admit I can't help but let the insults roll when I speak to him, I really do roast the poor bastard, but he doesn't know why, so I just keep on doing it and he keeps on going 'I know you love me' and 'I love you' I keep on telling him that he has a girlfriend, but he seems to think that it's not as official a relationship as it seems, and yeah, totally toxic, but he has an accent and always tells me I'm attractive...

I'm pathetic and thank god he is leaving the country at the end of the year.

Then I can lead my new life 'Evil' free